Suz reminded me that I don't always have to be upbeat. I've been holding my own pretty well and feeling productive and loved, but yesterday and today I can say that Chemo is brutal. I took my first pain pill today because my mouth feels as though someone peeled the membrane off inside, including the throat. It also hurts to walk on my heels--and those haven't been in the sun, not for a second. It's like my heels are peeling. The sun I got at 5:00 PM because I forgot to wear a hat, but it was enough to blister the exposed part of my chest and my shoulders -- which are brown as berries, anyway. I guess it's a toxic mix. My lower lip looks like a war zone, and I am not sure I can eat because it all hurts so much. Also I didn't sleep well, and that is always a setback.
Having said this, I still feel positive, if not upbeat, though I would never want any of you to go through this. It's, quite simply, totally counter-intuitive to Nature. The only way to handle it mentally is to do it day by day. I did pick fruit, but could NOT carry the box up. As soon as I finish this note, I am going up and crawl into bed because I'm cold, and listen to a tape.
I don't mind being stationary, but I would like to write. In two days I'll be done with the pills and I'll get a little breather. Rich is off to talk to Annie at Stanford and to get me some meds for mouth and feet.
So, for today, I'm asking to fall asleep for a little while. I'm sure tht will make me feel better.
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