Update, August 25th, 2012

I'm feeling a little better overall.  Most days we are busy going to doctors, acupressure, acupuncture, sonic healing.  This is the weekend with nothing except kids, then next week comes the Full Monty of all three chemos together.  Then a full set of scans including an endoscope in which they assess the damage the chemo did to the tumor.  If not enough, then another round,  another wait.  If the tumor has shrunk enough, they will do a "Whipple,"  a lengthy and delicate  operation in a delicate abdominal area.  Fortunately the surgeon doing it is famous for doing three a week -- very successful ones at that!

In the meantime, my three daughters are stuffing me with food so that I will have enough on my bones to survive the surgery.  They don't take "No" for an answer. Now I know how a goose feels!

In fact, today I would call myself happy.

Happiness

Stephen Dunn

A state you must dare not enter

with hopes of staying,

quicksand in the marshes , and all

the roads leading to a castle

that doesn't exist.

But there it is, as promised,

with its perfect bridge above

the crocodiles,

and its doors forever open.

With love 

 

Gabriele

Update, August 16th, from Gabriele

Hello Relatives, Friends, Students, Teachers (since I am learning much from your messages):

The message below, from a friend in Spain, gave me the hook to update you from our little hideaway in Toluca Lake, an enclave of homes each one as unique as a thumbprint, covered with bougainvillea and magnolias.

         When I was a young girl, someone gave me Japanese paper flowers, non-descript little bits of folded paper; dropped into a glass of water they miraculously came alive and unfolded into flowery shapes—beauty growing from seemingly nothing. 

         Poems, too, are paper flowers, making invisible thoughts and secret images flower on paper into words.    --Christiane Ledakis

Yes!  Yes!  It is why poems speak to me and for me, and why I am drawn to sharing those that are relevant.

The last few days were drama-filled (Stephanie described what happened in the previous post).  I am happy to report that the procedure I underwent fixed the problem, and I feel human again and yesterday continued with round two of chemo. While the drip-drip-drip went on for hours at the doctor's office,  I was finally able to work again, and I had my first real meal of chile rellenos last night.  I feel (relatively) fabulous, so much so I'm writing this at 5 a.m., unable to sleep from the excitement of seeing my husband, daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren so happy.  

Although unwished for, there is much to be learned from this harrowing experience--and one of them is the power of LOVE.

My comment on Suzanne's latest blog (click here) in which she used the metaphor of a bowling ball cracked open only to reveal love at the center, I describe our discovery of a rock-strewn beach famous for its huge balls, some of which have broken open--to reveal the most exquisite crystal patterns. Alone on the beach because of rain and fog, we photographed for two hours, alone as tour bus after tour bus stopped and quickly drove away.  Here are a couple of photographs to illustrate Suzanne's metaphor:

And here's one of my favorite poems:

Late Fragment

--Raymond Carver

And did you get what

you wanted from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself

beloved on the earth.

With love and thanks,

Gabriele

Update, August 14th, 2012

From Steph:

It's been a little over two weeks now that we have been in Los Angeles under the care of Dr. Nassir and Dr. Nissen.  Over and over again we are grateful to be here.  Yesterday Mom went in for her second round of oxaliplatin and 5-FU, only to find out from her bloodwork that she was jaundiced.  This required an emergency trip to Cedars Sinai Hospital to place a stent in both her common bile duct and her duodenum, which were being blocked by the tumor.

We are so happy to report that it went beautifully, and Mom now feels much better and completely different than she did just yesterday.  (The past five days had been up and down, up and down with nausea and vomiting despite our best efforts at feeding and medicating her.)

Los Angeles is hot and beautiful, the lovely garden outside Mom's guest suite green and shady, the old pool sparkling a deep blue.  Luna, Mom's cat, has adjusted perfectly and is turfing it out with the old battleax of a mommy cat who lives next door (I took her in for all shots to preempt any problems there!).  The kids have been off at a friend's Malibu beach house, situated on the cliffs overlooking Dume Beach.  We are as good as can be expected, and very happy to be all together.

Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts for us.  My mom should be updating this blog herself in a couple of days.

Love, Steph

Hurray, Nana!

Update from Rich, August 1st, 2012

Hi All,

We arrived in Los Angeles 5 days ago and are living in Suzanne and Ethan’s new guesthouse. It is pretty peaceful when we don’t have 4 grandchildren jumping on Gabriele or begging for her attention. We saw our new oncologist who started the first dose of intravenous (IV) Oxaliplatin chemotherapy two days ago and will start IV 5-FU next Monday. We also saw the surgical oncologist who cares very much about Gabriele and is motivated to make her as healthy as possible; he is the one coordinating all of Gabriele’s care. The plan is to continue the chemo for a couple of months, repeat CAT scans, and see if a surgical procedure is then indicated.

Gabriele finally got off the TPN nutrition, and she is eating well. She has a picc line to be able to receive her IV meds without being stuck repeatedly. I plan to go back to Cupertino every 2 weeks or so for a couple of days to pay bills, check on the house, and do a few errands. Stephanie, Suzanne, and Simone have been extremely helpful and supportive; at least one of them will be here all the time and especially each time I drive up north.

Your letters, cards, and emails have been touching. Your love is very much felt by all of us. I will continue to respond when I can. Suzanne and Stephanie continue to update their blogs.

Love,

Richard 

www.walkingpapers.wordpress.com  for Suzanne's blog.

Update, July 31st, 2012, Los Angeles

Hi, All:

Yesterday we met with the two key doctors in LA, had my first second-round chemo infusion, and, miracles of all miracles, ate my first real sandwich, followed by a burrito in the evening and at 5 this morning.  And I feel HUMAN again with real food instead of that liquid protein drip-dripping into my bloodstream for 10 days.

I’m going again today for a second treatment today and so we’ll take it day by day.  The dose will be much, much lower for my skinny little body, and doctors are optimistic about total recovery.

I feel really good this morning, which is a first. I plan to walk and to work out with small weights, and am back at work on the computer. My brain has purpose again.  My family showers me with buckets of love.  The sun is shining on the mature trees in this 40’s Hollywood neighborhood which I can look at from our cozy guesthouse. The hummingbirds are fighting over the feeder Suzanne put up. 

And real food is like a new discovery, both literal and metaphorical:

from Sweetness

Often a sweetness comes

 as if on loan, stays just long enough

to make sense of what it means to be alive,

            then returns to its dark

source.  As for me, I don’t care

where it’s been, or what bitter road

            it’s traveled

to come so far, to taste so good

                          --Stephen Dunn

I send you love and gratitude,

Gabriele

Addendum by Steph:

My mom was on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) for some time during her hospital stay, and for about 5 days afterwards.  But over the weekend she wanted to try to go off it, and on Monday she ate her first sandwich, and is eating regularly.  She continues to feel strong and is doing well as we all surround her with our support and love.  Thank you all for the love and energy you are sending.  It is felt.